When you found out you were pregnant or your partner was expecting, you may have felt myriad emotions, and you probably spent time coming up with a care plan for your child throughout your pregnancy and after delivery.
However, pregnancies do not always go according to plan, and at some point, you may have been told your child is at risk of developing hemolytic disease of the fetus and newborn (HDFN), a condition in which the mother abnormally develops antibodies that can destroy the red blood cells of the fetus.
While some cases are relatively mild, others can be fatal, especially if severe complications arise. The risk of significant harm in a pregnancy affected by HDFN is low if the condition is detected early; however in the absence of antenatal care, complications can be significant, potentially resulting in death.
Acknowledging misplaced feelings of guilt
If you’re like most parents, you want to do anything in your power to ensure the health and well-being of your child. When that outcome fails to manifest, you may struggle with feelings of guilt, as if your own actions brought about trouble to your child.
First, it is important to explicitly state that this is not the case. Your decision to get pregnant has nothing to do with HDFN risk, especially if this was your first pregnancy. It has everything to do with molecular biology and nothing to do with personal choices and behaviors. Therefore, you mustn’t unnecessarily pile on stress to yourself. This is precisely the time that your child needs their parent, and you need to be fully focused on the task at hand instead of engaging in a thousand different what-ifs.
Read more about HDFN testing and diagnosis
Advancements in technology and treatment methods mean that HDFN and resulting complications are typically highly treatable. By shutting out the noise regarding your so-called responsibility in this situation, you may want to try to reflect on what you can change and devote your time and attention to the things within your control.
Sharing your feelings with loved ones
There is an old saying: a burden shared is a burden halved. If your mind is cluttered and you need some time to process your thoughts, find a trustworthy friend or family member who can motivate you and encourage you to take proactive steps to remedy the situation in a way that actually makes a positive difference.
Of all the feelings you should experience with a child affected by HDFN, there is simply no room for guilt. Rather, an appreciation of the gift of life, caring doctors and sympathetic loved ones should be your focus. Once your child is discharged from the hospital, they will likely continue to improve, so keep your chin up and look forward to spending quality time with your new family member.
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