The loss of a baby during pregnancy or birth is a traumatic experience that requires professional support and time to grieve. The effect is both emotional and physical, with a lasting feeling of loss that may never entirely disappear.
While each person processes loss and grief in their own personal way, it is undeniable that recognizing the significance of pregnancy loss is part of the path to healing.
Types of pregnancy loss
The reasons for pregnancy loss are quite broad, and sometimes difficult to explain. It can be due to pre-existing conditions or pregnancy-related defects or complications resulting in fetal death – ectopic pregnancy, miscarriage (before 20 weeks of pregnancy) or stillbirth (after 20 weeks). About 15%-25% of all clinically recognized pregnancies result in pregnancy loss.
Pregnancy loss can also be the result of rare conditions or diseases, such as hemolytic disease of the fetus and newborn (HDFN).
Learn more about HDFN prognosis
It is important to understand the reasons behind the loss of your baby, in case the problem could recur in future pregnancies.
Managing grief with pregnancy loss
The emotional toll of losing your baby may be exacerbated by the pregnancy hormones. It is normal to experience a feeling of emptiness and the loss of the future you have projected. It may take you months or years to process your grief, and everyone’s timeline will look different.
Be prepared to follow your own path through your loss and grief. There is no right way to grieve. Initially, you may feel overwhelmed with emotions that may include shock, numbness, denial and confusion. You will then likely cycle through different stages of emotional loss in no particular order, such as anger, guilt, depression, hopelessness, yearning, withdrawal and lack of energy.
If you experience pregnancy loss while you are in the hospital, you will have the option to see and hold your baby to say your goodbyes. Another option, depending on the size and gestational age of your baby, is to take a fingerprint, handprint or footprint. This can provide a tangible way to remember your baby. Naming you baby and holding a memorial service can also help you honor your baby’s life.
Grief is difficult to process alone, and you will need support. If you have a partner, they will likely need support as well.
Resources for coping
There are many resources for mothers, fathers, children and extended families to access following the loss of a baby during pregnancy. Your hospital will put you in touch with local support groups, but there are some nationwide organizations and online support groups that are worth looking into.
Here are just a few out of the many available online:
March of Dimes is committed to maternal and fetal health, supporting families in pregnancy, birth, hardship and loss.
Daylight counseling service helps moms and moms-to-be following loss and trauma.
Postpartum Support International offers support groups and resources for bereaved parents navigating the emotions of loss.
You may prefer to see a counselor or pregnancy loss therapist for personal, one-on-one sessions. Your doctor should be able to refer you to someone in your area.
